HELLO 2019!

Will you be the year that people remember as one of the best ever? Or just another year of shit that seems to be surrounding everyone I speak to including me?

I used to be a person who would sit down on January 1st and plan everything to the nth degree. And if I didn’t do this right on Jan 1st I felt disappointed, like a failure and almost that my entire year was over so there was no point in having dreams or plans – so I may as well wait to for the next year and start again! (Yes I know how ridiculous this is considering this was usually a conversation I had with myself on say Jan 5th! 😩)

If the last five years especially, have taught me anything it is that January 1st is just a date and that you can’t actually plan everything to the most finite of details. Life doesn’t just work that way. And just when you think you’ve figured it all out – KABOOM life throws in some more hurdles for your to navigate first.

Now I try to take my time and figure out the dreams that are most important to me – they are no longer a rushed list that usually has exactly the same thing that was on it the last year. Just another copy and paste until you no longer think about the dreams you once had.

Settling into the new year is now a little like when I wake up after sleeping. You see I am not very good at waking up. Mac would laugh and say that was a very inaccurate description. Hear comes the Mamma Bear or Mamma Dragon are often sentences I hear used to describe me when I wake up!

So some people leap into the new day/ new year and embrace the newness of it all. They are happy and bubbly and excited. They see possibilities straight away. They want to embrace and share their excitement with everyone. Good for them! But this is definitely NOT me.

For me I take a couple of swipes at the snooze button…okay it’s more like ten to fifteen snoozes! I then usually stumble out of bed, grunt in communication as I wait for my coffee to brew and sit hidden in a quiet corner drinking my coffee. And an hour later (or a month later as is the case) I feel awake and competent and ready for conversation. 

Now I see the threads of possibility. Now I am excited and inspired and ready.

So I have taken to easing into the new year – no pressure. no guilt, not even any painting (because mainly it is too damn hot!), just strong coffee, quiet corners and gentle conversations. 

In one of those gentle moments my 2019 word came to me. It was a surprise to me. It is slightly  aggressive, not at all gentle or kind. But the more I thought of about it the more I realised it is exactly the word for me this year. 

DEFIANTLY.

 I am defiantly going to do things that feel good to me.

 I am defiantly going to create what speaks to me.

 I am defiantly going to look after myself and create my own damn self care rituals.
    (Ones that do NOT include painting my nails or getting my hair cut FFS!!)

 I am defiantly going to be Kirstin – who ever she ends up being because
    I am not always sure who she is these days. 

 I am defiantly going to be kind and courageous and curious.

 I am defiantly going to accept love and give love.

 I am defiantly going to go against 40 years of conditioning and not go on a new diet on the 1st of Jan! 

So here’s to 2019 – may it be a kinder gentler year to many of us. May it bring great memories, loads of laughter, love of all types and may the hurdles not be so high this year.

defiantly yours!

P.S Have you had a word or phrase or a quote that has spoken to you lately? I would love to know what it was – hit reply to share it with me.

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